Playdates are therapeutic!

Today Charlotte and I made a little road trip to Stratford, to visit with Hilary, and her daughters Hannah and Katie.  Hilary and I met, online, just after our children died. Her daughter, Leah, died 2 weeks before Noah, from the same, rare, thing.  I am so glad we met, but so UNhappy that we had to meet. 

Hilary is one of the only person... actually, maybe the only person who truly understands what it is like to be me- a women who lost their child from this illness. She gets me, I get her. We don't see each other often, but we have our own special bond, because of our beautiful children.

How much more fun would this play date have been with Noah and Leah too... much more fun!  But.. we did it anyway-- without them,,, we have to... I suppose we could just live under rocks, waiting for the end to come.. but we try to live each day with purpose- for our beautiful children, dead and alive.

here are some pictures from the day. 

Katie (4), Hannah (5months)and Charlotte (2 months)

The little ones, tuckered out from playing!

Grammie Visits

Grammie visited this week. We had lots of fun together. We went shopping, and did lots of cuddling!

Hopefully we will see her again soon!

Picture updates

Happy in the morning!

In her Bumbo with Rosie Rabbit! :)

Daddy and his girl.

1 word.... eyes!

happy valentines!

playing in her playpen! 

sound asleep after a big feed!

Kitty tummy time??

Charlotte is growing like a weed!! Im not sure of her weight right now, but she is probably around 12 lbs! This is her on the blanket that a good friend of mine made, in her OshGosh dress! 

She, like every other girl.... doesn't like laundry!!  :) hehehe

I borrowed a bumbo chair from a friend (thanks Alicia and Ben!) I love it! Mummy and I have play time in the morning in it- we sing, and smile, and dance!! 

Here she is on her tummy time toy! I think it may be a little too small! she doesn't mind it for short periods of time! BUT.................

Beau, the cat- LOVES it!

Here she is with Matther (her boyfriend:)) His mummy Audrey  is a friend of ours. We met through a bereavement group in the Spring of '08. He is a twin to this little guy...............

Reece!! Next time I will try to get a picture of Reece and Charlotte- and of Grace too! Another friend of ours! 

Grammie Lloyd (Matt's Mum) is here this week! I'm sure I"ll have lots of pictures of our adventures to show next week! 

PS. Me, and the Carters/OshGosh store are a dangerous combination!! :)

What I woke up to this morning!!

and I thought Casey would be terrible around the baby!! He's proved me wrong this past 2 months!

I look a little squishy after a bath... baths make me upset- but my froggy towel makes me warm and happy again!

look- big eyes!!

This IS what cute looks like!

In my new dress :)

having fun on my blanket!

daddy and me!

mummy and me!

Playdate

Here is Avery, playing with Charlotte. Avery can move around quite a bit now- she likes to find Charlotte- and lick her, and try to hold her hand- it's ever so cute! here she is moving the change pad Charlotte is on closer to her!

Avery in her Jumperoo! Charlotte has the same one in a box in our basement- just waiting to be used when she is ready!

Here is Kai, sleeping in the swing!

The two mothers that I was with are both photographers. They were practicing today. They had a white screen thingy- anyway- between shots I took a couplepictures- here is Avery, making sure that Charlotte is ok! We had all three babies sitting in baskets!

Charlotte, in her basket- looking a little upset- and a litle chubby! ha ha ha

Finally

Well... The ice finally melted- we got to go down by Noah's tree with the stroller!

Dad (Poppy) took a picture with his blackberry- of Charlotte, and the plaque by her brother's tree!

99 things

99 Things

Here are the rules: Bold the things you’ve done and post on your blog! - I've put them in Orange.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band ( does band hero count lol)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightening storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 

44. Visited Africa
45. walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted 
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching 
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating-- fish!
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo 
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Playdate

Charlotte had her first playdate yesterday. Unfortunately I forgot to take pictures of the three little ones together. I'll try and remember for next week.

While we were there, Charlotte tried out Avery's Bumbo chair! We don't have one- but it was so cute- she looked just like a little lady sitting up in it!

I've thought about buying one- we have a similar thing- but i put her in it last month- and it doesn't go far enough up her back- so it will be a month or two until she can use it. But Bumbo chairs are quite pricey.

Charlotte hung out in her bouncey chair for a few minutes yesterday too..

here she is

Do I look like my Glowworm?

 

Perfect Moment Mondays- Baby Smiles

Perfect Moment Monday is about noticing a perfect moment rather than creating one. Perfect moments can be momentous or ordinary or somewhere in between.

go  here  to see where this began:

Here's a perfect moment from my week. I hope you'll share yours, too

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I've been having a trying week with my 8 week old. Not sleeping a lot, crying, sometimes for what seems like no reason. I've just been really tired.

Last night, for a few hours, Charlotte and I went into the spare room, I put pillows next to the wall, and layed her on a receiving blanket, and I layed next to her- to try and get a few minutes, at least, of sleep. Of course, being right next to me, she went to sleep right away- she was just fed and changed! 

Then... she let out a little coo, so I opened my eyes- she opened hers- looked at me, let out a huge smile, and reached out to touch my arm.

What a perfect moment... 

 

Advice Hate and Stroller Love

I'm tired. She hasn't been sleeping well- actually- that isn't true- she's been sleeping great- but either 20-40 minutes at a time, or in my arms. She won't go into her crib for an extended period of time. She used to- but now- she won't.  I'm not complaining- I love holding her, but it's much more difficult for me to sleep when siting in a rocking chair. So, latly, I've been going into the spare bedroom with her and I sleep in there. It's comfy, and I can actually lay down, and still be close to her, which is what she wants right now.

I have had people try to give me advice- well, they think it's advice.  'Start as you mean to go on', 'Don't rock her to sleep',  'Don't nurse her to sleep', 'Don't sleep with her beside, or on you',  'Don't place her on her stomach while she is sleeping', 'Keep the light on', 'turn the light off', 'she's too hot', 'she's too cold', 'let her cry it out', 'she's too young to soothe herself','you need to get her on a routine'...... AHHHHHH

I hate it. Can't I just mother her the way I feel is best. Sure- I'm not an expert- I've never mothered a living child for more than 3 days. But I love her- and Matt loves her. We are doing the best we can.  I didn't get to rock Noah- so I will rock Charlotte all she wants right now. I didn't get to nurse Noah after my milk came in- so I will nurse Charlotte all she wants- even if it is to get to sleep. I didn't get to place Noah in his crib- so I will place Charlotte there, but if she is disturbed by it, or cries- I will go and get her. I can't comfort Noah- I will comfort Charlotte.
I don't know if I"m doing everything right- actually, I'm certain I'm not in everyone's eyes. BUT- I am here, and I am living, and so is Charlotte. She is happy, and I am happy. She is 8 weeks old tomorrow- surely I can hold her, rock her, and nurse her to sleep, and whenever she wants a little longer without 'ruining her for life'.... surely I can sleep by her side to comfort her. Surely... I know what's best for my child... don't I?  Yes, others have been through mothering an infant before, and can tell me things from experience- but have they been through mothering an infant, after their first died? It changes everything. I know I am a different mother because of Noah- and I think- in most ways- for the better.

It's interesting, Sally, at tuesdayshope.blogspot.com , posted a message today about a similar issue... we had our babies on the same day, her Angus was born on November 17th... and I guess we are going through similar stages with our little ones. She writes so well- her latest post really explains how I feel about to issue too.
On another note;

Did I mention I love my pram. It's great. Today Charlotte is a little fussier than usual- and I know- in her pram- she will sleep! so we went out- first for a little walk with the dog- then we kept on going, just the two of us- into the grocery store and the drug store to pick up a few things, and kept going for a nice long walk. It's so freeing.. so nice. I've been looking at that stroller, and it's been looking back at me, waiting, and waiting to be used for 2 years. It's a little bitter sweet- It was bought for Noah- he never got to use it. But it is so nice to finally use it with Charlotte, and love it. I've never loved walking before- but with a stroller, with a living baby- I feel on top of the world.