New Picture

Here's the baby.. actually looking like a baby now :) it was amazing during the ultrasound, you could see it's little spine, and fingers in his mouth (already- like Noah!), and it's little feet!!

So cute! We're starting to finalize some names... it's a hard choice- the name means so much! I don't think we are going to tell many people what we decide to name the baby, we're going to keep it a little secret.. for a couple reasons!

Jane

Telling the World

I told the world today... well, facebook.. that's pretty much the world isn't it??

I'm excited.. but still cautious.. maybe that won't ever go away

Another case of fifths at school... going to have to play it by ear, and maybe be a hand washing crazy person.

Jane

Enough is Enough

And to think- I doing so well at getting my mind at ease in this pregnancy- making sure I was happy and healthy and doing everything I could to ensure this babies health- and to ensure that we did everything right- everything perfect- so that this baby would know how much he or she is loved, and so that pregnancy wouldn't be overshadowed as much as it could be by the loss of their older brother..
First.. the spotting and bed rest..
NOW... fifth disease has shown up at my school where I teach. a completly non-threatening childhood disease to everyone except fetuses in their first 20 weeks. and of course, I am 11 and a half weeks. The problem with fifth disease is that is is like chicken pox in that it is contagious before ANY symptoms are seen, and has a 4-20 day incubation period- meaning there could be none, or MANY children at my school incubating it. and to boot.... I do not have immunity. 50 % of adults are immune because they have come in contact with it before.. but not me.. urgh. So this means I am off work- and I'm not sick- I am off because if I come in contact with the disease and my body contracts it, it could have severe effects on my baby. only 5-10% chance.. but hey, do statistics matter once you've lost a child to something far less common- Nope!

I was getting so close- so excited to tell people in a few weeks- i wanted to should it out to the world that I am pregnant, and that I am happy, and healthy and excited for t his little life. Now, I feel like I need to wait, and make sure everything is ok. it never ends.. seriously.. enough is enough.

Jane
11.6 weeks

Times a Ticking......

Slowly!! I can't beleive just how SLOWLY this 6.5 weeks since I've known Baby N was one her/his way has gone by. Wow, It's amazing how time flies sometimes, and other times, it just can't pass quickly enough. Not that I want my time with the baby in my belly to pass quickly- I love being pregnant... but, I do want to to be over 12 weeks for sure... 30 perferably until I feel a little more confident that we can bring this baby home.
That's the thing- I've caught myself, and I know Matt has too, saying things like 'If we have the baby in November....', and 'If this baby comes home we can....".. things that sound so terrible, probably extra terrible to those who haven't lost a child during pregnancy or infancy- but things that I think about all the time- I'm trying not to over shodow this pregnancy with worry- I love this baby already, I can't wait to have him or her in my arms and to show them everything there is to do, see, learn, hear, smell and love. BUT- there is a little part of me that just can't be completly overjoyed until I KNOW he or she is safe, in my arms, and out of the hospital- once he or she has been checked a million and a half times by a doctor.. to satisfy me that he or she is not in pain, not sick, and completly normal.
Will I be unhappy if I have a child that isn't 'normal', no not at all- I just want a living child- a child who lives long enough to experience things- I don't want to bury another child. I have once, not again.
ahhh... the joys and worries of the 'no longer innocent bliss of pregnancy'- how I wish I was still living in that innocent bliss world- where pregnancy and birth and infancy are all roses and giggles......
So happy to be pregnant, but so sad this baby will never meet their oldest brother, Noah.
Jane

10weeks 5 days