to do

It's 7 weeks away.. it seems so far away.. yet so close.. so attainable, yet so impossible.

It's amazing the things your brain does at the end of pregnancy, much less, at the end of a pregnancy after a previous loss.

But 7 weeks, in anyones time frame really isn't that long. Much shorter than the 38 that I started with.

Things to do before Charlotte is born:

- go through the entire house and de-clutter

- put baby things in appropriate places around the house

- finish adding 'girly' things to her room - putting her name on the wall etc.

- de-tag, and wash her 0-3 month clothing

-organize clothes by size- and find somewhere to store the 'big' stuff

- pack bags for the hospital

-fix the door to her room so that cats can't get in whenever they want

I'm sure there is a lot more- that's just what I thought of on the spot.. I really should make a list... I am losing my brain power quite quickly lately. pregnancy does that.

19 work days left :)

Jane

30 weeks

This weekend marks 30 weeks into this pregnancy. It's a good feeling- because it means there is a high likelihood that I will make it to my scheduled c-section on November 17th (38 weeks). However, it is also hard- gets harder by the day in many ways- I am getting so close to where my happiness was shattered after Noah was born. That is what I know..

41 weeks of healthy pregnancy

relativily uncomplicated delivery

a beautiful baby who looks just like his daddy

36 wonderful hours being a 'normal' mummy

Then..

Boom

rushed to NICU

rushed to SICK KIDS

rushed to surgery

a forever good bye

gone

gone

gone

This is what I know- this is MY 'norm', this is what happened after a full, happy and healthy pregnancy. This is why the end of pregnancy is scary to me. because there are no securities, there are no assurances, there is just- me and Matt, doing this again, praying, hoping and asking that it will be different- but unsure of any of the future. unsure of everything except that our first experience now means that I will never kiss my first born child again.