Saturday, August 1, 2009

Loving, Cherishing, waiting... leads to.....

Buying too much stuff! Oh my goodness...

Well not too much, really can a little girl have too much clothes? probably not.

But in a way, I am glad that I am able to buy stuff for Charlotte. I know it is so hard for some people who are pregnant after the loss of a baby. and it is hard, but I feel, that I need to do it- I need to try, my very best to give her, while she is inside me, the very best of me- like I gave to Noah. I didn't regret anything about Noah's pregnancy (minus the major sweets addiction!.. but really, i got that under control!).. and I don't want to regret anything in this one either. I'm sure, once she comes home, and is healthy (fingers crossed) I will regret my anxiety and worry that I felt, and therefore was placed on her while in my womb.. but I think she'll understand that. She will grow up knowing, but not knowing her big brother... without that extra protector at school, without that bratty big brother who won't let her play with his trucks and cars... it's hard- because I know what it's like to have a big brother.. and in hindsite- it's wonderful. she won't get that experience, the experience she was supposed to have.. and I at least hope she will grow up understanding that he was here, on earth- but now he isn't.. but he can still protect her in some way.. and she can still think about him, talk about him and wonder about him.

Until then... I think I will continue to buy cute little girl things for my cute little girl... I just can't help myself!

22 weeks 6 days


Anonymous said...

Hey Jane, Of course you can't help yourself...and no, a girl can never have too many clothes! As much as I love buying clothes for Avery...little girls clothing is soooo cute!! I can't help but buy stuff for my neice all the time!!! hahahaha:) Charlotte will grow up knowing all about her big brother from all the family and friends who love them both!! She is a very lucky little girl already to have such devoted loving parents as yourselves!! You have so much love to give and I'm so happy that you guys will be able to share that with your little miracle. I know you understand this and although I may not say it exactly just don't know how quickly you can fall in love and how much you can love another (besides Matt of course;)until you have a child of your own! I truly believe that things are meant to be (even though we don't always understand them) and that the tragedy and experiences you have gone through make you stronger. I know that your experiences have certainly made me cherish absolutely every moment and although I don't tell you this I think of you guys often and your family is always in my prayers. See you next week sometime!!:) We are looking forward to it!!

Krista said...

Janey ... don't buy too much! What on earth are we going to buy you for your baby shower?!

Do you want a baby shower? I thought your shower for Noah was sooo fun. That was the one of the only times I "met" Noah (which is making me well up just thinking about it). Please don't think I'm weird for getting so emotional for your son, but I do.

Sarah said...

Hi Jane,

I found the link to this blog- from your "letters to Noah" site..I hope you don't mind.
I'm glad I found it- because I read something I needed to hear. I have been struggling to know how to approach a subsquent pregnancy after losing our twin boys- as far as how excited to get- do I buy things- do I set up the room?! That sort of thing. Some people won't do anything until that baby comes home- but I have come to realise that isn't how I want to be. I want to give our next baby as much as I can -while I can. I am choosing to live in hope. Thankyou for helping me along in my journey xx

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