Buying too much stuff! Oh my goodness...
Well not too much, really can a little girl have too much clothes? probably not.
But in a way, I am glad that I am able to buy stuff for Charlotte. I know it is so hard for some people who are pregnant after the loss of a baby. and it is hard, but I feel, that I need to do it- I need to try, my very best to give her, while she is inside me, the very best of me- like I gave to Noah. I didn't regret anything about Noah's pregnancy (minus the major sweets addiction!.. but really, i got that under control!).. and I don't want to regret anything in this one either. I'm sure, once she comes home, and is healthy (fingers crossed) I will regret my anxiety and worry that I felt, and therefore was placed on her while in my womb.. but I think she'll understand that. She will grow up knowing, but not knowing her big brother... without that extra protector at school, without that bratty big brother who won't let her play with his trucks and cars... it's hard- because I know what it's like to have a big brother.. and in hindsite- it's wonderful. she won't get that experience, the experience she was supposed to have.. and I at least hope she will grow up understanding that he was here, on earth- but now he isn't.. but he can still protect her in some way.. and she can still think about him, talk about him and wonder about him.
Until then... I think I will continue to buy cute little girl things for my cute little girl... I just can't help myself!
22 weeks 6 days