34 weeks... last week at work...it's all starting to come together.
Matt finished the baseboards on the main floor.... I cleaned and organized Charlotte's room a little.. it's been an emotional day for me- and I think more emotional times are to come as this new little one makes her way into this world, and as she has her first few days with us. It's going to be hard- but good, stressful but freeing....can I have a baby who lives? can I practice being a mother instead of being one in silence? feel free not to answer those, as I know everyone will say 'of course'... but it's amazing what goes through your head after you've lost your first born... not amazing actually... horrifying.
4 weeks to go, then I can see her beautiful face, kiss her, cuddle her, read to her.
4 weeks to go, then I can begin healing from the surgery, and start practicing mothering a child on earth
4 weeks to go, until my life will again, change forever, in what hopefully will be a blissful way.
4 weeks, 4 weeks, 4 weeks.
it's amazing how 4 weeks can sound like an eternity to someone in my shoes.
bring on the baths, chocolate, doggy cuddles and shopping... that outta get me though it.... right?