Sunday, October 18, 2009

4 weeks

34 weeks... last week at's all starting to come together.
Matt finished the baseboards on the main floor.... I cleaned and organized Charlotte's room a little.. it's been an emotional day for me- and I think more emotional times are to come as this new little one makes her way into this world, and as she has her first few days with us. It's going to  be hard- but good, stressful but freeing....can I have a baby who lives? can I practice being a mother instead of being one in silence? feel free not to answer those, as I know everyone will say 'of course'... but it's amazing what goes through your head after you've lost your first born... not amazing actually... horrifying.
4 weeks to go, then I can see her beautiful face, kiss her, cuddle her, read to her.
4 weeks to go, then I can begin healing from the surgery, and start practicing mothering a child on earth
4 weeks to go, until my life will again, change forever, in what hopefully will be a blissful way.
4 weeks, 4 weeks, 4 weeks.

it's amazing how 4 weeks can sound like an eternity to someone in my shoes.
bring on the baths, chocolate, doggy cuddles and shopping... that outta get me though it.... right?



Hope's Mama said...

I'm with you Jane! I'm hoping it will be more like three weeks! Four weeks seems too long!

Beth said...

4 weeks sounds like an eternity to me too, it's about how much longer im waiting until i will allow myself to get pregnant again.

i remember when i found your blog, when i was just days into losing kathlyn, your little water baby counter was at 109 days. you're making it! and im right here with you.

i have to get your address, maybe you can send it to me on facebook. i want to send you one of kathlyn's outfits for charlotte to wear, and i will add her to the memorial. i know you know how special someone has to be to wear one of my baby's things!

Krista said...

How did the maternity shoot go? :)

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