Monday, January 11, 2010

Advice Hate and Stroller Love

I'm tired. She hasn't been sleeping well- actually- that isn't true- she's been sleeping great- but either 20-40 minutes at a time, or in my arms. She won't go into her crib for an extended period of time. She used to- but now- she won't.  I'm not complaining- I love holding her, but it's much more difficult for me to sleep when siting in a rocking chair. So, latly, I've been going into the spare bedroom with her and I sleep in there. It's comfy, and I can actually lay down, and still be close to her, which is what she wants right now.

I have had people try to give me advice- well, they think it's advice.  'Start as you mean to go on', 'Don't rock her to sleep',  'Don't nurse her to sleep', 'Don't sleep with her beside, or on you',  'Don't place her on her stomach while she is sleeping', 'Keep the light on', 'turn the light off', 'she's too hot', 'she's too cold', 'let her cry it out', 'she's too young to soothe herself','you need to get her on a routine'...... AHHHHHH

I hate it. Can't I just mother her the way I feel is best. Sure- I'm not an expert- I've never mothered a living child for more than 3 days. But I love her- and Matt loves her. We are doing the best we can.  I didn't get to rock Noah- so I will rock Charlotte all she wants right now. I didn't get to nurse Noah after my milk came in- so I will nurse Charlotte all she wants- even if it is to get to sleep. I didn't get to place Noah in his crib- so I will place Charlotte there, but if she is disturbed by it, or cries- I will go and get her. I can't comfort Noah- I will comfort Charlotte.
I don't know if I"m doing everything right- actually, I'm certain I'm not in everyone's eyes. BUT- I am here, and I am living, and so is Charlotte. She is happy, and I am happy. She is 8 weeks old tomorrow- surely I can hold her, rock her, and nurse her to sleep, and whenever she wants a little longer without 'ruining her for life'.... surely I can sleep by her side to comfort her. Surely... I know what's best for my child... don't I?  Yes, others have been through mothering an infant before, and can tell me things from experience- but have they been through mothering an infant, after their first died? It changes everything. I know I am a different mother because of Noah- and I think- in most ways- for the better.

It's interesting, Sally, at , posted a message today about a similar issue... we had our babies on the same day, her Angus was born on November 17th... and I guess we are going through similar stages with our little ones. She writes so well- her latest post really explains how I feel about to issue too.
On another note;

Did I mention I love my pram. It's great. Today Charlotte is a little fussier than usual- and I know- in her pram- she will sleep! so we went out- first for a little walk with the dog- then we kept on going, just the two of us- into the grocery store and the drug store to pick up a few things, and kept going for a nice long walk. It's so freeing.. so nice. I've been looking at that stroller, and it's been looking back at me, waiting, and waiting to be used for 2 years. It's a little bitter sweet- It was bought for Noah- he never got to use it. But it is so nice to finally use it with Charlotte, and love it. I've never loved walking before- but with a stroller, with a living baby- I feel on top of the world.



Anonymous said...

Babies need to be held (some more then others) Don't listen to anyone who says you shouldn't hold/nurse your baby whenever they want. Enjoy every cuddle, she will sleep through the night when she is ready and you will not "ruin her ability to sleep". Enjoy your baby cuddles, you deserve every last one. (I also advocate a mattress on the floor as the best crib :))

Mom Glenda said...

Jane, I have observed you mothering Charlotte and have been nothing but impressed. Charlotte is very much like you were. When \i had you, I knew you were my last baby and I wanted to hold you as long as possible and that is what I did and you are definitely not spoiled...loved to the max though. You spent tons of time in your pram and I loved that too, just like you do. Hang in there, Jane, you are doing so very well with your darling Charlotte.

Hope's Mama said...

Oh my god Jane!! Yes, yes and yes!! Feeding now, so I would type more!!

Beth said...

great post.. you DO know best for your own daughter, absolutely!

Anonymous said...

Jane, you are a super-mom, smart, sensitive and loving, to both your babies- Charlotte is getting to know Noah through you both.

All well-meaning people give advice- choose what you want to listen to- with your heart and your head.... Enjoy parenting, both you and Matt- I think if he could, he would probably like to feed her as he seems so bonded, but knows that is a great deal of work, and looks funny.....

Lots of love and hugs, Lori I-B

Krista said...

People (myself included) are just trying to be helpful. Take the advice you like, and accept the rest as just someone "trying" to help.

My friend Corry (whose daughter Kiara came almost a month after Charlotte, but whose due date was ony 2 days after yours!) has a mattress on the floor beside her daughter's crib for the same reason you sleep in the spare room with Charlotte. It works for her, too!

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