Sunday, December 13, 2009

Random Pictures and Special Clothing

Can I fill Mummy's boots? Not yet!

Look, I'm holding a toy.... sort of!

Aren't I cute with my hands in my pockets? he he he

This is a very special bib I am wearing! It is from Beth, Kathlyn's Mum. It was meant to be Kathlyns bib, but unfortunatly she is not here to wear it. Beth and I have become good 'friends' brought together by the loss of our babies.

This is a special shirt as well! It is Breanna's shirt. Breanna is Audrey's daughter who passes away. It's a very special shirt, from a very special friend of Mummys. I'm lucky to know her, but it's very unlucky how we met.

Life with Charlotte has been great so far, of course.
Some nights are quite rough, as she is waking up a lot. It seems she only likes to sleep on someone... which works during the day, but is tricky in the night. I think part of the reason is that she hates sleeping on her back.

Christmas is coming, and it is so bittersweet. I'm looking forward to her first Christmas... but am also still so sad that I don't have Christmas' with Noah... no family Christmas pictures... no 'Noah' on the christmas card.. because really, noone wants a card with the name signed of someone who has passed... but why not??
We still find ways to honour and remember him. We speak of him often, maybe even more often these days as  Charlotte looks so much like him... but it still feels like he is slipping away one more time. I know he isn't. He is always with me.. I'm always thinking of him, always missing him, always loving time. There is just less time now for those thoughts to consume me.... but they are still there. They will never disappear.. and that's an ok thing!

Mothering a living child is great- it's so wonderful to finally be acknowledged as a mother... even though I have been one for just about 2 years.



Beth said...

thank you jane! i love charlotte in kathlyn's bib. she is darling.

i think you should do a christmas card with both their pictures.

Krista said...

I've thought of you and Matty as parents, albeit parents of a baby in heaven.

And I can't believe how quickly she's growing! :) She's beautiful, of course. And you radiate in pictures with her.

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